Sisterhood Interview with Courtney & Renée

For those that don’t know you, who are you and what do you do? 

R: Hello to those who may be new to the sisterhood! We are the co-founders of ‘To My Sisters’, a community-powered organisation and digital sisterhood supporting women becoming the best version of themselves across every sphere - from the person to the professional. 

We started To My Sisters as a podcast in 2020, and since then it has blossomed into so much more. The podcast is based on myself and Courtney’s 10 year+ friendship, drawing on our highs, lows, and everything in between. We’ve supported each other in so many different capacities - from going to Oxbridge together, to building businesses, pursuing a Master’s degree, and eventually creating a business together.

We’ve done a tonne of incredible work in women’s advocacy and personal development. Our podcast has since reached 5 million downloads in the span of three years, we’ve raised over £15000+ combined for gender equity inequalities, hosted two sold-out live shows, and signed to Pan Macmillan as authors of the flagship book, ‘To My Sisters: A Guide to Building Lifelong Friendships.’ We’ve also hosted two international trips with women only, in Tanzania and Indonesia, and we’re looking forward to our upcoming trip in South Africa. We’ve been pretty busy!

Q2: You both have created an incredible podcast and community, what was the inspiration behind it?

C: ‘To My sisters’ started as a mini-series I [Courtney] had on my YouTube channel which aimed to address deep and relatable topics for women. In 2020, as the whole world was in lockdown, Renee and I would spend hours on the phone every day just talking about our hopes, dreams, and present struggles as we were navigating building businesses, starting our careers, and adjusting to adult life. 

We had created online content together in the past, and a few people had suggested that we should collaborate on something consistently, but since we were truly best friends offline, most of our time in real life was spent just doing what normal best friends do - being there for each other. But in the summer of 2020, God started to minister to both of us that our friendship was actually unique and that there was something about the bond that we had that needed to be shared. So after praying on it, we decided we would turn our long phone calls into a a podcast called ‘To My Sisters’, where we would have honest and transparent conversations about all the facets of our wellness, growth, and development as young women navigating the world. 

We wanted to create a space that encouraged women to by showing the real behind-the-scenes of the personal development journey, whilst simultaneously witnessing and being inspired by the power of friendship and sisterhood as a tool to aid that journey. Women have been gathering around each other for years to hear and tell their stories, and the To My Sisters podcast was a way for women all over the world to do just that.

To my sisters is centred on building sisterhood. What's the importance of sisterhood in your opinion?

R: Sisterhood is everything. Oftentimes, we find core narratives around womanhood to centre romantic relationships. Whilst covenant, romantic relationships are integral to God’s core plan for community and covenant, sisterhood and friendship are also important ways in which God manifests His glory. When we look at Ruth and Naomi, we see a friendship underpinned by a mutual love of God, a desire to transform hopeless situations into something glorious, and the importance of unwavering loyalty between women. It was through Naomi that Ruth came to know the God of Israel, and sometimes it is important to remember that our relationships are a site through which we come to know the living God. 

Sisterhood has been a place in which we have been able to cultivate ourselves, produce the fruit of the spirit, and become people who are co-labourers in Kingdon-work. We were never meant to do life alone, and sisterhood offers an important space through which we can love God and love His people. There’s something so special and beautiful about the life-giving capabilities of sisterhood.

How does your faith in God impact how you create community? And how as Christian women can we be more intentional about building communities 

C: Our faith forms the entire foundation for our belief in the importance of community. The first time we ever heard God call something ‘not good’ was about the absence of community. The statement ‘it’s not good for man to be alone’ warns us as humans that life is not meant to be done alone. A lot of us believe this to be strictly about romantic relationships, but our faith teaches us that some key principles to growth, acceleration, and pleasing God, is honouring the gathering of community, the power of partnership and agreement, and loving our neighbour. So we’re almost mandated to be intentional about cultivating community in our lives. 

And on that journey of cultivating community and relationships with people, you realize just how much you see the love of God shown to you through other people, as well as the character of God developed in yourself. So, intentionally building a community around you requires you to demonstrate wisdom, patience, humility, self-discipline, serving others, and sacrifice. I know it sounds like a lot, and it’s definitely not something that happens overnight, community is invested in over time, and becoming a good friend is something you have to work on with God’s help and the love and support of good friends who are willing to show you the same. But ultimately Proverbs gives us the ultimate cheat code to building the community and sisterhood we want; “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” - Proverbs 18:24

In your own friendship with each other, how have you ensured that it remains healthy and God centred?

R: Our friendship must be based on the biblical principles of friendship and love - we look to the scriptures and the Holy Spirit to guide us as it pertains to maintaining a healthy and God-centred friendship. We create all of our values and our code of sisterhood from our mandates as believers. Sisterhood is deeply spiritual and requires a sacrificial love. In John 15:13 it states - ‘Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.’ I consider Courtney my friend because I would genuinely lay down my life for her. Not just in the literal sense (although, I definitely would be willing to shield her away from a bullet in the unlikely event of a shootout), but in the figurative sense that I prioritise her health, happiness and wellbeing - and I know that she does the same for me. 

We ensure our friendship remains healthy by actively supporting each other - in Galatians 6:2 we are mandated to  ‘carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ’ and in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, it says ‘two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.’ On a daily basis, we find ways that we can support each other and take the load in specific areas. 

Health in our friendship looks like shared burdens, sharing the Gospel through our joint work, being an advocate and supporter, and pruning when our character falls short of Christlikeness in communion with each other. Practically, it also looks like regular friendship check ins, ongoing feedback, dedicated prayers with and for each other, and dedicating ourselves to small acts of kindness and service throughout our days.

What would you advise girls looking for sisterhood and community? 

C: We always say that friendship is like having a bank account, you withdraw from what you deposit. So firstly, be intentional about making those deposits or time, love, effort, care, and support to your friends and the people you want to form your community/village.  

Secondly, drop the pride and ego. Sisterhood is such a beautiful thing, and we all need it in our lives. This isn’t to say that you should be friends with any and every woman you ever meet, discernment is key. But when God brings someone into your life to be a sister, a friend, or even just an acquaintance, he’s bringing you a destiny helper, and it takes humility to be able to receive that. 

Thirdly, read our book! We go into so much detail across the chapters about the lessons learned and wisdom gained from our friendships and the relationships we have with the women in our lives. From dealing with trust issues and trauma to confronting comparison, jealousy, and envy, we really go into the things people rarely tell you about building lifelong friendships and unlocking the transformative power of sisterhood.

In your opinion, what's the greatest killer of community and sisterhood?

R: That’s a phenomenal question, and super tricky because I think there are a few things. What comes to mind first is pride. Most folks will say that they find it ‘difficult to trust’ or hard to find true, healthy individuals to commune and make friends with. I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s experiences, but oftentimes we rarely take accountability for how we interact and behave in relationships. We don’t acknowledge that we aren’t perfect, and that it is not about finding the perfect people, but about allowing our perfect God to work out perfection within us. 

Courts already shared the scripture on proving ourselves to be friendly - in order to find community and friendship, we must first actively profess we need it and seek it. Too many of us fall down at that level, and expect others to express their need to us. To build community and sisterhood, we must be selfless, loving, humble, kind and open. The world encourages us to be the opposite as a defence mechanism to an equally cold world. But sisterhood only works when we humbly share our broken parts with our God, and, through the renewing of our minds, continue to pursue the love us His people, through his daughters. 

Lastly, you both are known for the wisdom you share, and really do embody our online big sisters. What’s one piece of advice you’d want women and girls to have?

C: There is so much that we could say, and there are literally hundreds of podcast episodes of us sharing the wisdom we’ve gained along our journey, but the biggest theme that’s been coming up lately is ‘embracing your uniqueness’. There is so much pressure in the world for women to act, think, and be a specific way in order to be socially accepted. It can be tempting in the pursuit of becoming ‘our best selves’ to try and become like someone else, but the best version of you is who God has uniquely called you to be. So be inspired by the dedication of others to pursue their calling and purpose but realise that there’s also a purpose for your difference, and we hope you go on the journey of discovering who you are and who you were called to be, with The One who made and called you.