Zoe Alexandra: How I Found My Identity in Christ

Photos taken by Charlotte Parnell & Joshua Spence

For those who don’t know you, who is Zoe Alexandra?

First of all, I am a daughter of God. I am woman who loves God, who wants to live for God, and I have just said yes to God. That’s who I am firstly. Outside of that, I am a podcaster. I have a podcast called Matter of the Heart we are about helping women become healed and whole vessels so, that they can walk in their God-given purpose with confidence and authority. I am also an lifecoach and entrepreneur. I do a lot of little things.

Photos taken and edited by Joshua Spence

We’ve had discussions on identity before, what interests you about this topic? What does identity mean to you?

Identity is of great interest to me because I’ve made so many mistakes and wrong decisions in my life and in the area of romantic relationships. After all, I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t even know that I didn’t know who I was until God told me. I am so passionate about helping women know who they are because it will change how they view the world and themselves. It will even change how they can receive the word of God to do the things they are called to do. Like I said… with confidence and authority, you can’t do that if you don’t know who you are. We have to know our identity as women.

Identity to me now means what does God say about me. My identity is God’s truth of God’s word concerning me, concerning Zoe Alexandra. It’s about truth. It isn’t about how I feel, when I feel pretty some days, or when I feel confident. I am regardless of what I have. I am regardless of what I feel. It’s just who I am. Identifying firstly as a child of God, not an entrepreneur or anything else, because if you take that all away I am still a child of God. 

I always say you can throw me into a prison cell, take everything I have, and I’ll be alone I will never stop being a daughter of God. It all starts from there. That’s a constant all based on the truth of God’s word.

How would you describe your journey into identity?

(She slightly cringes)

It feels like a messy and bloody one (she laughs). It’s like healing, it’s cyclical. As you go deeper with God you uncover more of who you are. Something even our Apostle says, the more you know of God… the more you know of yourself. It’s been like that for me.

To describe my journey of identity it starts with me coming out of a relationship in 2018, and just saying “God I am here. You stripped me of my job, you stripped me of my relationship, it’s me and you know God. You can have me!” It was then that God really began to show me how fragmented and broken I was and in the midst of that I realised I didn’t know who I was. A lot of the time I based who I was on how men treated me. I had father wounds. I felt rejected and was just so broken. That had become who I was. I couldn’t see past the brokenness. I didn’t how I could ever be healed or how I could ever be whole. I never thought in my life that I would feel okay again because my pain and the trauma of my life had become who I was.

So, once God began to unfold that for me then the journey began of Him teaching me who I am in Him. Just spending time with Him and Him not always referring to me as Zoe, but His daughter.

I remember going through this deliverance with God and it felt so gruesome. God really stripped and I didn’t even know who I was anymore. The old me had been washed away. The victimhood had been taken off, the trauma I had been wearing had been taken off. I remember looking in the mirror and asking God “Who am I?” He responded, “You are loved.”

If we identified ourselves as loved. That’s my identity, that’s who you are. You are loved.

Looking back at the old Zoe, what are the key differences?

One of the first things that comes to mind is that I didn’t love myself, and I didn’t even know I didn’t love myself. I have definitely been on a journey to loving myself. This has to come from knowing that God loves. A lot of the areas that showed me I didn’t love myself were again in the area of romantic relationships. Maintaining a standard that God has for me in the relationships around me, that’s been one of the main things for me.

The difference as well has been confidence. The fact that I am in public speaking, is obscene to me. I was not a confident speaker, like Moses I convinced myself I couldn’t. I would even stutter. I had no confidence. I was so insecure. Like I said, before my pain was just my identity. I was living in pain every single day and not believing that I can get past it. Yet, I knew there was more on the inside of me. Feeling that frustration of wanting to be that more but not knowing how to get there.

So, now I am not saying I’m perfect. I still have moments of insecurity. I still have moments where I feel fearful that’s why I lean on the Holy Spirit. I am so much more confident. I think the thing that changed the most is that before God used to speak to me when I was new in Christ, I would hear it but my heart wouldn’t receive it.

When I embraced the truth that God loved me my life changed forever.

Imagine someone telling you stuff that’s good and true, but if you don’t think they love you, you won’t believe them. I look at the cascade of things that have happened in my life, it can’t be true, because it doesn’t feel like you love me.

When I started spending time and meditating on the word of God about God’s love for us - I really started to believe what He said. I remember one day I was praying and the words that came out of my mouth were “God I believe you!” For the first time ever I could say God I believe you. I believe that what’s coming is going to be better than what’s gone. I believe that you’re going to use me. I believe you that my life isn’t always going to be in pain. There was this liberation. The lies of the enemy no longer had such a grip on my mind. I couldn’t move forward with God. That was one of the biggest shifts for me. I just started believing that what God says is true.

What do you in the moments where doubts come in? What do you to overcome the shaking and the doubt?

Photo taken and edited by Charlotte Parnell

I think it’s just remaining in the presence of God. You need to remain in the word of God and in prayer. I find that even in times when I think something wrong with me. I am not sure if it’s insecurity, an inferiority complex, or imposter syndrome, whatever it might be. In the presence of God, God will even open it up for me to even have the language to speak to Him about it. There’s so much safety in His presence.

When I can identify that there’s something wrong I go to God, and I just release how I feel about it. Even with what I do now, with the speaking…

(She laughs) I just thought of a story. I was a keynote speaker at an event and I had never been one before. I remember I had been up preparing the message, I was up at night with my laptop blasting tongues. I was ready spiritually.

I get there and I had to be on a panel first. On the panel, I am sure people were thinking Zoe isn’t talking much. I wasn’t hearing them. Mentally I am trying to think of what I want to say. My segment was next and people wanted to talk but I just decided to go upstairs quickly. I was there speaking in tongues, blasting in the Holy Spirit. I even took my shoes off and put them into a corner. I just said to God “Lord, I am nervous,” and just let me know that He was with me.

The minute that I stepped onto that stage to speak, the anointing just took over. My friend even said to me, you don’t even look like the same person. You look like you do this every single day. God just took over. What He has taught me is that in every moment of insecurity and in every moment of fear lean on me. There will even be times I have to lead prayer before church, normally you prepare before and He isn’t talking to me. I am there saying “hellooo, is the connection working?” She laughs

Then He tells me, I am teaching you in this season to lean on me. I am sensitising your more to my voice. I am teaching you to trust me. I am pushing you out a bit further so you’re going to have to learn to really depend on me in new ways in this season. When I get into certain rooms and I just think Lord how did I get here. The Lord reminds me they didn’t call me here because I am unqualified, they called me here because  I am qualified. If God has spoken this over my life who am I to counteract it. That’s me saying God is a liar? Because He isn’t.

I am honest with how I feel. I don’t invalidate how I feel but, I go to God with them. I will read scriptures to renew my mind with truth. Another thing I do, is I speak to people about it. Allow people to surround me, hold me up, and encourage me. I think that’s important as well.

If you want to watch the whole interview click here